You: “I don’t want to drive a wedge between us, and I don’t want to make you feel guilty.Make the content safe: Use contrasting to help your sister understand your purpose. You’re both defending your actions rather than discussing how to split the inheritance. Make the conditions safe: You see that you lack mutual purpose. Then ask yourself how you should best behave to achieve this goal. Know your heart: Ask yourself what you really want (to be compensated fairly for money and time you contributed beyond what your sister contributed). It’s clear the conversation is getting heated. If I weren’t traveling so much, I would have been happy to take care of her.” I was working just as hard at my job and I sent money back to take care of Mom. Your sister snaps back: “Don’t guilt-trip me. You discuss selling the summer house to pay for your expenses in taking care of the mother. This is clearly turning into a difficult conversation example. You want to be compensated for your expenses and hands-on care as your mother’s primary caregiver, while you feel your sister hasn’t contributed as much as you. It’s a discussion between you and your sister on dividing your mother’s estate, starting with the summer house. Here’s an extended example to show the principles in action. This is the first of the crucial conversations examples, and it’s a long one that discusses a situation that occurs over a longer time period. Crucial Conversation Example 1: Dividing the Family Estate As you read, try to think of examples of difficult conversations you’ve faced, and how you could handle them differently. These “crucial conversations” examples can help you decide how to handle crucial conversations in your life. Strong emotions: Your spouse thinks you were flirting at a party.High stakes: You and your coworkers are discussing how to change the company’s failing marketing strategy.Differing opinions differ: You want a promotion but your boss thinks you’re not ready.Here’s an example of each of the criteria: Situations where this happens are not good Crucial Conversations examples.Ī crucial conversation is a discussion characterized by high stakes, differing opinions, and strong emotions. We may withdraw, or rage and say things we later regret. We behave our worst at the most critical moments. And in fact, when we do have crucial conversations, we usually handle them badly. We often try to avoid having these conversations because we’re afraid we’ll make matters worse. Examples include: ending a relationship, asking a roommate to move out, resolving an issue with an ex-spouse, confronting a coworker about his/her behavior, or giving the boss critical feedback. These conversations can have a huge impact on your life. Crucial conversations are often typical daily interactions as opposed to planned, high-level meetings. Organizational performance and the quality of relationships improve significantly when people learn the skills to handle these crucial conversations effectively.Ī crucial conversation is a discussion characterized by high stakes, differing opinions, and strong emotions. In Crucial Conversations: Tools For Talking When The Stakes Are High, authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler argue that many problems are caused by how people behave when they disagree with others about high-stakes, emotional issues. These Crucial Conversations examples can help you make sense of what exactly it means to have a crucial conversation, and how to navigate examples of difficult conversations. The book Crucial Conversations provides strategies on how to find success through difficult conversations. What is a “crucial conversation,” and what are crucial conversation examples? How can these examples help you have better conversations? Like this article? Sign up for a free trial here. Shortform has the world's best summaries of books you should be reading. This article is an excerpt from the Shortform summary of "Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson.
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